Live in NYC and looking for something fun to do with your little prince & princesses? Then check out Princess Phooey playing at the TADA Youth Theater now through August 1st. Use code PRINCESS5 for $5 off.
For the past 2 years or so (age 5-7), I’ve been jotting down every funny and bizarre comment that comes out of my son Max’s mouth. I call them “my little gems”. And what makes these “little gems” so priceless is that they’re not said with the intent to be funny; they just naturally are. I’ll continue to be his own personal stenographer until he becomes a boring adult just like the rest of us. – Jill Topol
1. “Obama is the boss of America, and you’re the boss of me, right?”
2. “I love you more than diarrhea.”
3. “Mommy, when you tell me not to do stuff it hurts my brain a little bit.”
4. Max – “I’m really good at helping baby animals.”
Me – “What do you mean?”
Max – “Like if a cheetah was chasing a baby bird, I’d give the baby bird a knife so he could defend himself.”
5. Tomorrow is Max’s 5th birthday. I told him he needs to be polite and say “thank you” for all the gifts he receives, even if he doesn’t like something. His response to me was “You mean like a suppository?”
6. “You can rub soap on your penis, but you can’t rub a dog on your penis.”
7. “Grandma doesn’t make pancakes, but she has a delicious recipe for hotdogs.”
8. “You cracked my heart.”
9. Max – “Yay, the winter Olympics are starting!”
Me – “What sport are you excited to watch?”
Max – “Bowling.”
10. “Women grow boobs and men grow beards.”
11. “Mommy, when you and Daddy were little were there trees?”
12. “What do you like better, technology or cookies? I’m having a hard time choosing.”
13. “Some kids in my class did something very inappropriate today. They twirked. But don’t worry, I think the principal saw them do it on the security cameras.”
14. “Some doctors say if you eat candy when you have rabies it makes you better.”
15. “Smiling is a sign of laughing.”
16. “Shut your pothole is a much better choice then saying shut up.”
17. I was watching TV with Max and this elaborate commercial with fireworks comes on for KY Jelly. Max turns to me dead serious and says “Mommy, would you like me to buy some KY for you as a present?” I told him, “That’s ok, you already got me a lovely Christmas gift, but thank you.”
18. “What if everyone was all made of sugar?”
19. “What if everyone in the world farted at the same time?”
20. “There’s no pee in peanuts, right?”
21. “The Catwoman Lego is way cooler than the Wonder Woman Lego because she’s wearing mascara.”
22. Max is playing with his Catwoman doll. He rolls his R making her say “Purrrr-fect”. I try to say it, but can’t roll my R’s to save my life. His response was “Mommy, you can only roll your R’s if you’re hispanic or a cat. You’re just Jewish”.
23. “My 2 favorite animals are cats and unicorns.”
24. “Mommy, you have a vagina and it’s hairy. No seriously, it has hair.”
25. “What would happen if someone fell asleep on the potty while they were pooping?”
26. Max – “I can’t believe Daddy’s last name is so short?”
Me – What do you mean? It’s the same as yours?
Max – “No Mommy, Daddy’s last name is Jr.”
27. “Can you put Tic Tacs in my lunch box?”
28. “Can I have a ring pop for breakfast?”
29. “Tell Grandma I’m not hungry for food, but will eat ice cream.”
30. We’re on the train heading out to visit my mom. Max breathes into his hand and smells it. I ask him what he’s doing? He says “ I want to make sure I have fresh breath for Grandma.”
31. “I think I’m going to marry my friend Lily. She’s funny. She’s smart, and she’s easy to lift.”
32. “I need somebody to kiss, cause I’m already puckered up.”
33. Max’s cousin Violet asked to marry him. His response was “I can’t marry you because I’m already marrying my best friend Lana, but if we move to Utah I can marry you both. You can marry as many people as you want there.”
34. This past Sunday I took Max to the carnival. He won a stuffed poodle at a darts game. When I asked what his poodle’s name was he replied, “Her name is Diamond. You know, like Madonna. She only goes by one name.”
Since our latest “T-Shirt of the Week” is a Keith Haring tee, I thought it was only fitting to repost this tribute I wrote 2 years ago dedicated to one of my all-time favorite artists. xo, Jilly
Back in my high school days, I was a funky new wave chick with a mad passion for art, music and fashion. To paint a clearer picture, I would have been the perfect casting choice for “the best friend” of Molly Ringwald & Duckie in the movie “Pretty in Pink”.
I remember wearing my Keith Haring pins on my denim jacket, and a limited edition Keith Haring Swatch Watch that I got as a birthday present from my grandma. I literally wore that watch everyday until it fell apart. Pop art always had a special place in my heart. The bright colors and whimsical attitude just seemed to fit in perfectly with my lifestyle. Andy Warhol was the master and Roy Lichtenstein was a genius, but growing up in the 80’s nobody could come close to Keith Haring. He was the Andy Warhol of my generation.
Throughout his career, Haring devoted much of his time to public works of art including hundreds of white chalk drawings in subway stations and painted murals throughout New York City. He also collaborated on numerous projects with the likes of Madonna, Grace Jones, Yoko Ono and his own mentor Andy Warhol. Though his images had a childlike quality, the messages behind them were anything but. They were deep and relevant to modern day issues. Touching on subjects as serious as drug abuse and AIDS.
Sadly, Haring died way too young of AIDS related complications at 31. His legacy will forever be immortalized through his art.
Last weekend I went with my husband and Max to see the Keith Haring exhibition at The Brooklyn Museum. The exhibit chronicles Haring’s earlier work in NYC including personal sketchbooks and preserved subway chalk drawings. It was amazing to see in person stuff I had only previously seen in books. Plus it was great to watch Max’s reactions to some of the art. Even when he pointed to one painting and started to shout “I see a penis! I see a penis!” In his defense, he did! Plus I’m pretty sure Keith Haring would have been okay with it. – Jill Topol
Keith Haring: 1978-1982
March 16 through July 8, 2012
Keith Haring 1958-1990 My High School Swatch Watch
Posing with Brooke Shields 1986
“Crack is Wack” 1986 Handball Court Murals on Harlem River Drive and East 128th Street, NYC
Untitled, 1981 Enamel on fiberboard
Down in the Subway
The exact moment Max realized Keith Haring was cooler than Justin Bieber
SOME COOL KEITH HARING ITEMS YOU CAN PURCHASE:
Keith Haring Rocker $260.00 www.openingceremony.us
Keith Haring Bumpkins Superbib 3 Pack $19.95 www.diapers.com
Keith Haring IPad Case $64.00 www.patriciafield.com
This past weekend I took Max to see the Blondie 40th Anniversary exhibit at the Chelsea Hotel Gallery in NYC. With walls covered in visual delights and glass displays housing rare and unusual memorabilia, it was an overload of pure enjoyment for fans of the iconic band.
Photographers and artistic legends including Andy Warhol, Mick Rock, Annie Leibovitz, Robert Mapplethorpe, Bobby Grossman, David Godlis and bandmate Chris Stein adorned the gallery walls with their personal perspectives on one of the most highly regarded bands in both music and fashion history.
I decided to take my 7 year old son Max (who was reluctant at first) to the exhibit with hopes that exposing him to the music mommy grew up on would somehow give him an appreciation for Blondie and broaden his musical horizons beyond the soundtrack of “Frozen”. I’m happy to say my efforts paid off. Max marveled at the Blondie videos playing on the large screen to the point of being in a trance. After viewing a block of videos in his hypnotic state, he asked if we could watch “Heart of Glass” on YouTube when we got home. I was elated. He also told me that Debbie Harry was one of the most gorgeous women he’d ever seen, and resembled one of his Monster High dolls. The biggest compliment the boy could possibly give.
While I would never force my son to like the same music I do (said by the girl who’s dad only let her listen to show tunes in elementary school and still resents him for it), it’s nice to know that Max is open-minded to try new things, and not just what Nickelodeon says is cool.
“Call Me” or “Call Me Maybe”, it’s all good!
1. Rowdy Sprout – Blondie Tank Dress (size 3m-8yrs) $46.00 www.rowdysprout.com
2. Rowdy Sprout – Petunia Blondie Sweatshirt (size 12m-12yrs) $41.00 www.rowdysprout.com
3. Goody Two Sleeves – Blondie Poster Tee (size 2-4yrs) $22.00 www.babesta.com
An untarnished imagination gives children the power to transform themselves into monsters, princesses and even Olympic athletes all within the walls of their mind. As a slide magically transforms into a luge, and an ordinary broom wins gold in curling, we pay tribute to our Olympic athletes through the eyes of a child. – Jill Topol
- Luge image – Pinterest (source unknown)
- Slide image – Pinterest (source unknown)
- Russian Figure Skating Team image – The Daily Mail
- Young Ballerinas image – Pinterest (source unknown)
- U.S. Gold Medalist Ted Ligety image – Time
- Super Hero Kid image – Pinterest (source unknown)
If your star-child likes to “rock & roll all night, and party every day”, than congrats…..you are the proud parent of a KISS Kid. As one of the greatest rock bands of all time, KISS has miraculously managed to stay relevant since the 1970’s, and last month were finally inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. With their flamboyant comic book inspired personas, elaborate stage shows and classic rock songs, KISS will no doubt continue to be loved and admired for generations to come. This includes fashion fans everywhere, as KISS embarks on yet another new venture as the face of John Varvatos’ Spring/Summer 2014 campaign. – Jill Topol
- Hello Kitty – KISS Pop! Vinyl Figures $11.95 Each www.hsn.com
- Super Goody Bag’s own “Starchild” Max at 2 years old for Halloween (costume custom-made by Jill Topol)
- Sourpuss – KISS Skulls Kids Tee (size 6m – 5yrs) $22.00 www.sourpussclothing.com
- Archie – Archie Meets KISS Onesie (size 6-24m) $17.95 www.store.ticketmaster.com
- Oeuf – KISS Hat (size 12m-4yrs) $48-56.00 www.oeufnyc.com
- Be Lucky Kids – Panda Pullover (size 2-10yrs) 25,00 Euros www.beluckykids.com
- Sourpuss – Kids KISS Socks Set (size infant & toddler) $10.00 www.sourpussclothing.com
- Rockabyebaby – KISS Lullaby Baby CD $15.90 www.littlerockstore.com
- H&M – KISS Long Sleeved T-Shirt (size 1 ½-10yrs) $14.95 www.hm.com
- Rowdy Sprout – KISS Long Sleeve Tee (size 3m-12yrs) $38.00 www.rowdysprout.com
- Little Rock Store – Kids Glam Bears KISS T-Shirt in Yellow (size 2-5yrs) $17.90 www.littlerockstore.com
Let’s raise our glass to the Best & Worst of 2013. A smorgasbord of the coolest and crappiest things that have made this year so special. Cheers! – Jill Topol
THE BEST OF 2013
- Real Hardcover Books! – Because bedtime stories just aren’t the same on a Kindle.
- Monster High Dolls – The reason Barbie cries herself to sleep feeling inadequate.
- Hello Kitty Fashion – Cheers to the coolest cat in history. At 40 years old, this pretty kitty still makes little girls weak at the knees for every dress, accessory, doll and sticker with her likeness.
- Thanksgivukkah – 8 fun filled days of turkey with a side of latkes. Count me in!
- Lady Gaga & The Muppets – Legend has it that one of Jim Henson’s dreams before he died was to create a living breathing Muppet to coexist with his puppets. With talent beyond compare and a visual persona of all his colorful characters rolled into one ultimate being.
- Sanjay and Craig – The adventures of a boy and his best friend Craig (who’s a snake). As entertaining for adults as it is for the kiddos.
- Rainbow Loom – The rubber band DIY bracelet craze of the year. Look out for next year’s paper clip version.
- Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” – The utterly catchy sing in the shower, car and school hallway song of the year.
- SheZow – A boy that turns into a girl superhero. Here’s to acceptance!
THE WORST OF 2013
- Selfies – Photography 101: If you can see your arm stretched out with a cell phone in the foreground you are taking a lousy photo.
- Miley Cyrus’ Tongue – You are not Gene Simmons. I repeat…..you are not Gene Simmons. Put that thing away.
- Lunchables – Who came up with the genius idea that a cold mini pita topped off with shredded cheese, pepperoni and a pack of ketchup makes a pizza?
- The Death (& return from the dead) of Brian Griffin – Stop playing with our hearts Family Guy!
- Mountain Dew’s KickStart – The brilliant idea to wash down your Wheaties with a can of breakfast soda.
- The Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood – Not one of “my favorite things”. Julie Andrews will always be Maria, and Carrie Underwood will always be the 4th season winner of American Idol.
- Ice Cream Magic – No magic here, unless “frosty chocolate milk” is slang for homemade ice cream.
- Hair Chalk – Dry dull colors that only work well on blonde hair, but appear bright and colorful on your skin, clothes and couch.
- Tummy Stuffers – A doll your kids stuff with anything and everything in their bedroom. Including a moldy peanut butter sandwich from 2 months ago.
Lately Max has been obsessed with Kim Wilde’s 80’s classic Kids in America. I loved this song growing up! Could this mean some of my good taste in music is rubbing off on him? I guess only time will tell. Taylor Swift if your watching, please keep your pretty little paws off this one. He’s mine. – Jill Topol
Here’s the original version for those of you who are too young to remember or want to reminisce.
I would like to start off by saying that I am not a prude! I think if you’ve got a great set of legs, short shorts are hot. Stiletto heels are sexy, and strawberry lip gloss makes for a more enjoyable kiss. But even with having an appreciation for makeup, I never quite understood why some doll manufacturers have decided to take their makeup inspiration from Tammy Faye Baker? When I was a kid my idea of makeup consisted of a Dr. Pepper flavored lip balm and glitter nail polish. Now it’s not uncommon to see a 13 year old looking like she was just abducted by the Avon lady.
While I love the idea of little girls playing dress up and messing with their mom’s makeup, I think it’s important that we don’t rush them through childhood. Don’t get me wrong. Makeup is a godsend. The thought of leaving my apartment without a little concealer and lip gloss would leave me feeling naked (and a bit haggard). It’s sad to think that a little girl might feel the same as me because they want to look like their doll.
I recently had the pleasure of speaking with researcher and artist Nickolay Lamm, who took photos of Barbies, Princesses and Bratz dolls and digitally removed their makeup. The end results were more youthful looking fresh faces, similar to the children who play with them.
Now that we know Barbie is still beautiful after washing her face, it’s time to move onto the next important doll topic that’s on all our minds. Why the ginormous boobs? – Jill Topol
Super Goody Bag: What was your inspiration for this project?
Nickolay Lamm: I came across a viral “before and after” photo of Barbie where they over exaggerated the whole portrayal of Barbie without makeup. She looked horrible. I thought I could do a better, more realistic job.
Super Goody Bag: Why do you think toy companies have always felt the need to over exaggerate the features on dolls? From Barbie’s 10-inch waist topped off with double D breasts and heavy makeup?
Nickolay Lamm: It’s kind of the same idea as skinny models in advertisements. Beautiful people tend to sell products better. However I feel there’s a movement where we’re now more aware of this unrealism and are much more willing to buy dolls that actually resemble real people.
Super Goody Bag: Do you think manufacturers will take note and ease up on the makeup after seeing your images?
Nickolay Lamm: Hmmm… I don’t know? But I’m sure someone at Mattel probably saw my images, and hopefully I planted a seed in their mind that clean fresh-faced dolls are still pretty and marketable. I think a lot of parents would buy a doll without makeup if it actually existed.
Super Goody Bag: I actually like some of your “after” images better, but I’m not namin’ names. Hello toy companies! I love you all! lol The dolls look beautiful. The only thing missing are the teenage zits, but I think maybe that’s where we should draw the line on realistic dolls, unless of course Proactiv and Clearasil want to come out with their own line of “welcome to puberty” dolls.
Nickolay Lamm: Oh, I like that! lol
Super Goody Bag: Do you think Ken and GI Joe would approve of these new makeup free dolls, or miss their overly done-up girlfriends?
Nickolay Lamm: I don’t see why not? I myself am no Ken or GI Joe in real life, but I don’t care if a woman wears makeup or not. They’re all beautiful.
Super Goody Bag: Did you play with dolls as a kid?
Nickolay Lamm: I played with something similar to GI Joe growing up, but I think girls tend to be more affected by dolls with makeup than boys. There’s much more social pressure on little girls with how they look. It’s socially acceptable for little boys to be messy and not care about their appearance.
Super Goody Bag: What’s your next project from here?
Nickolay Lamm: A 3-D model of Barbie side by side to a real woman doing comparisons on all their body measurements. The front page of Yahoo picked up the story a few days ago.
Super Goody Bag: Who would win in a fight, Barbie or a Bratz doll?
Nickolay Lamm: Oh the Bratz doll would win. Her head is so big that she would knockout Barbie with one headbutt!